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The very first thing you may want to do after a breakup is to have that burning desire to talk things through with your ex. Please don’t kid yourself thinking that talking things through will ever work.

You might think that you might be able to convince them not to end the relationship by getting them to sit down and discuss the problems in your relationship. You might think that being able to calmly discuss their grievances and once you have overcome all their objections they will happily come running back to you.

Does your offers to get your ex to attend relationship counseling on your own or together fall on deaf ears? If you relationship was already on a downhill slide for a while, does the offer to discuss any problems or attend counseling will appear to be a last ditch effort to manipulate  your ex into getting  back together sounds very desperate?

I am not suggesting that counseling doesn’t have its place in such a situation. In fact, if you and your partner have decided that getting back together is what you both desire then counseling is a very powerful and effective tool to help save your relationship. A marriage counselor will be an impartial referee that can point out areas that both of you might wish to work on separately and together to help rebuild your relationship.

So why nothing good can come of wanting to sit down with your ex and discuss what went wrong in the relationship. Trying to understand what went wrong or trying to find a “closure” to the problem stands little chance of being helpful to you in such situation. Since both you have been hurt enough as it is, why subject yourself to further pain or rejection? There is very little you can do to find out in detail why this person who loved you so much at one time now wants to be apart from you? It would be better to spare yourself the pain, maintain your dignity and leave the talking for another day.

What you should really be doing is take the time now to rebuild yourself and heal from the wounds that you have suffered from your ex. If it is really important to you then you might want at some point in time to take an assessment of yourself and find out there is any truth in the accusations that your ex has hurled at you. It would be more beneficial in the long run to set about to make any changes on any areas that that your ex has indeed pointed out that you also feel are unacceptable in your life.

Therefore before you take the routes of visiting a counselor to try to fix your relationship, you first order of business before inviting your ex along or discussing “what’s wrong with you” should be to set about formulating a game plan to win them back.

T ‘Dub’ authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called The Magic Of Making Up teaches you how to formulate a game plan.

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